


Freedom and Security

by 13ineedpills13



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Author is not Christian, Bittersweet Ending, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gaslighting, Manipulation, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Platonic Relationships, Religious Conflict, Religious Discussion, Religious Fanaticism, Religious Guilt, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Insert, Unrequited Crush, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:21:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27421105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13ineedpills13/pseuds/13ineedpills13
Summary: "Yeah... I know that I am going to burn in hell one way or other, acording to Bible, but dothosepeople really think they will go to heaven?"---Another self insert fic in which I absolutely fucking lash out about the problems I have in my life 👌Someone please hug me
Relationships: Main Character & Simeon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character/Simeon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Simeon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Simeon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	Freedom and Security

Something about Simeon just hits different when you were with him.

He is... very weird. But not in a mysterious or bad way. 

He was the weirdly ordinary, peaceful, and warm glow of the Celestial Realm. He wasn't too bright that it gave you a migraine, nor he was too dark. He was something in between, very similar to a human. But his presence brought peace inside you. Something that made a painful the lump in your throat and make your head explode im endorphins whenever you looked at his way.

He would flash you a bright smile, pat your head or shoulder whenever he passed by you. You would feel the warmth of his hand there even after he was long gone, like carrying a heavy backpack and then still feelimg the arm loops on your shoulders after you put it down. But as strange as this sensation was, it wasn't unpleasant. He was religious. Something you absolutely despised in people, whether they looked at religion positively or negatively. You knew you were a sinner. You knew you already accepted that god would never love you. But you still earned for protection, a fatherly love from this creator. But whenever you tried to convince yourself that god never cared about his people and fucked off to the rest of eternity after creating Adam and Eve, a part of you never believed that. 

The torture you have endured from others in the name of god, the violence, discrimination, whatever you want to call it, created heavy scars on you. You stared at your hands, a buzz inside your head constantly moving around like a steam that was coming out of a pot of boiling water. You were lost in this big world, with a small life span.

The fact that people let themselves believe anything religion themed so easily, letting a huge part of their emotions and trust in another person's or foundation's hands, was astonishing. This didn't apply to churches or mosques, or religious communities only. Trusting another person seemed to be such a huge burden for you. You got your trust broken many times. Your love was taken advantage of. Every time a mistake or a fight took place, you were made to beliebe that it was your fault. That there was something wrong with you.

 _"I work all day to bring food to the table. Why can't you be a little bit more understanding? Why aren't you helping me out?"_ Was the sentence you heard from your mother whenever she was angry or stressed. But you were the one to clean up the house and do your own cooking when she was gone, ever since you were young.

 _"You are the child of a faithful family. You can't think or act like that. This is not an ordinary rebellious phase, you are sick."_ Your sister said this to you after searching through your phone that one time you forgot to lock it after you left the room, and saw the contents inside it.

"Your father would commit suicide if he hears about this!" Was also a sentence you couldn't erase from your brain. Your problems were constantly unheard, your screams of help were silenced by the classic "Others have it worse than you. You don't have any bills to pay for, or feed any child." excuse. You heard one of your classmates cursing and wishing that their mother was dead, because their mother aborted their older sister, because she couldn't afford to take care of her and was very young. The insolent people of your country used religion in every single way possible to make their points get across. They manipulated people. They used it to get richer. To get more influence and support. 

They were like sick people with the dancing plague, dancing without stopping until they dropped dead like flies. Religion portrayed by the majority of the population seemed nothing more than a sick tea party that was dripping with sewage all around it, and it disgusted you. But you couldn't erase this feeling of guilt inside your chest. You felt like you prayed to god only when you needed, but you couldn't bring yourself to pray at other times. You felt like you were physically unable to. Your tongue didn't seemed to work to mutter the prayers, nor your mind. And you felt so much guilt for it. 

You were a dirty, disgusting sinner.  
Wasn't religion supposed to bring peace and love inside a person's mind?

"...I see." The angel listened to your vents carefully, his sapphire eyes seemed to glow with sympathy.

All of these feelings, combined with your fondness and love for Simeon, made you want to bash your head agganist the floor boards of your room until your eventual death. It was so tiring. So stressful. 

On a day like this, once again, you were sitting underneath one of the many staircases at RAD. Bathrooms were way too crowded during lunch breaks. Classes weren't that quiet and empty. The library had many people as well. Greenhouse was filled with introverts, but you didn't feel like seeing any faces or hearing any voices that day. So, you found an empty and dark corner of this giant school and slid under the dark staircase. Surprisingly, there weren't any spider webs or dust around. The enchanted brooms and buckets did their jobs well ar RAD during night.

That's where you found Simeon, sitting by himself on the staircase, staring at the windows close by with a blank expression. He looked like a statue carved out of ice. So ready to break and fall apart, yet it still burnt the ones that it touched and stood tall. You could almost hear his thoughts. He looked like he was dreaming of the shore of a sea. The waves splashed agganist tbe big rocks around, he flinched, as if this hypothetical sea in his thoughts soaked his skin in small, yet startling droplets. He saw your humanly frame approaching and snapped out of his daze quickly.

"...What are you doing here?" You didn't mean to sound so accusing and bothered by his presence, but it was too late to fix your mistake. You didn't mind it if he was there, but you thought you were going to be all alone. The person that made you question everything you believed in, simply bt existing, was right before your eyes. Your chest was rising up and down in nervousness, you felt blood draining from the tips of your fingers. The longer you looked at the angel, the prettier he became. The more space he took in your mind. 

His previously smiling face fell when he realized the stress on your shoulders. "...I was here for some quiet time, since everywhere else is filled with people. I'm guessing that's why you are here as well?" He questioned in a gentle tone that made you stand on your tippy toes whenever you listened to it. You swayed back and forth, side to side whenever he spoke. You would get goosebumps whenener he laughed, and you would smile whenever he said something nice about your hair or uniform. It felt good to be seen as a proper person, and treated like one. 

He was always in your mind, along with all the religious guilt you had stored inside your brain for years. So he sat down next to you under the darkness of the staircase and listened to you.

You were tired, honestly. Tired of always being made fun of whenever you were wary of your family members when they were around. Tired of trying to keep a steady life. Thinking about what you will do in the future, that will ensure that you are in a good position. You were way too young to be thinking these things, but you couldn't help it. You have been gaslit, manipulated, ridiculed, wounded, get your trust broken and left all alone with your struggles. Your family members never tired to understand you, and acted dismissive whenever you tried to talk about how you needed help by a professional. They have made you feel guilty for showing that you have been feeling like shit. It was a "YOU are making ME feel sad by FEELING sad." type of situation. And if they heard you talking about this, or found you writing these in your journals, they would probably say "what do you want? How am i supposed to help you?" In a mocking or frustrated tone.

"I... I don't know, maybe try to be a little supportive? Make me understand that you have my back no matter what? _Help me out a little? Hug me whenever I'm down? Watch over me? Send me to get some help without making me feel like absolute shit for it, **like I saw this from a TV show and then suddenly decided that I was depressed? Or I am doing this for attention?**_ " You said, biting the sleeve of your jacket to calm yourself down before you screamed. "I just- I just want help! I just want to be saved, if I knew how to save myself I would've done it! But I don't, I don't even want to get out of bed anymore! I don't have any energy to sleep, can you **fucking** believe that!? I wake up every morning in my bed, thinking why I woke up that day. To do chores? To attend classes? To make food for my siblings!?"

You unintentionally raise your voice and put a hand over your eyes for a second to rub them. The bothersome, fuzzy feeling of anger and anxiety was forming on your chest the entire time you spoke. You were getting lost in thoughts as you spoke, your memories trying to find a way to get out of your mind.

"To- To- Why am I even living when I don't even have the liberty to- To fucking go outside and travel!? T-To calm myself dowgn and escape from this bubble!? I don't have any money, no one to rely on because my family NEVER tought me how to rely on myself! I always have to have someone to protect me there. I always need to smile, get a cool job as a doctor or something and then get married. I'm never supposed to be alone for my life, because I can't do anything in the real world. I... I don't even know why I'm trying sometimes... I really- Really don't. I don't belong to anywhere..." 

You ran your hands through your hair and sighed, tears finally escaping your eyes. The uncomfortable sensation was still on your chest, but if disappeared after someone took your head and pushed it agganist their shoulder slowly. You sniffled and held onto the source of warmth you had, clinging to it. "...A-And, and the worst part is..." You sniffled again, your voice coming out very differently. Almost child like. "No one- I have no one... I am really alone, no friends, no one. Just the people that were supposed to be by my side whenever... Whenever shit went wrong. But- But they make me feel even lonelier, Simeon!"

"I know. I know..." He said as he stroked your hair slowly. He knew how you were feeling. A bunch of people that happened to he related to you by blood. They used everything they could to make you bound to themselves, like a particularly stubborn fatty part of a meat that just didn't want to be cut. But at the same time, even though they held you agganist your own will, they also had the arrogance to shape you to their liking and make your life as agonizing as possible when you acted out of their standarts, and political views.

Rejecting and tormenting to your own fleah and blood because your what you believe in, religion or politics wise, is just sad. How shallow does your believes have to be in ordee for you to reject, torture, or even kill your child? 

He had met so many humans that have been affected by this. They grew up to fear and outright reject religion, when in reality all religion wanted to offer them was peace and love. It had been twisted by humans for their own agendas, they used it and twisted it in order to gain more power. And you were no different. You thought you were a sinful creature that felt nothing but fear, misery and pain. Momentary pleasures and happinesses were scattered here and there in your life, but you would fear them if they lasted for so long as well. What if something horrible happens after this?

Simeon understood that.  
And he felt so sorry for humans in that aspect. The peer pressure from their foolish ancestors bind them to their places. And even if they had moved on, they would be very scarred. Sometimes too sick of being alive. He stroked your shoulder and head while you cried for a good 10 minutes. His warmth seemed to melt all of the walls you had put around yourself, and caused a huge wave of emotions and poison to spill out like a huge tsunami. You calmed down a little afterwards, but he didn't let go.

Crying was the best way for anyone to let their pains out. They would undo their dirty bandages, bleed out the poison in their bodies, and then re-patch them up. So he didn't say anything and just let you scream out. He didn't feel your punches agganist his chest while you were hysterical, but he immedietly held your hands when you began hitting yourself. He wasn't going to let anything happen to you while he was there.

"...Ugh..." You mumbled, and realized hos you messed up his shirt and cloak. You didn't want to move away, his warm hands and chest was so inviting on these cold tiles. Your face and eyes were burning, but your hands and feet were ice cold. "Sorry... I... Kinda ruined your stuff."

"I'll wash it later." He said and flashed you a smile, and you turned your head away immedietly. He saw your ugly crying face enough. He didn't need to see the bashful one as well. You froze when he pulled you closer, and pushed your head on his shoulder once again. You looked up at him, there was no way you could hide your face now. If you pushed it on his chest, it would be awkward. If you stared at him, your neck would hurt and he could see how embarrassed you were. 

He also seemed to be sharing the same fate as you, as his cheeks was in a lovely shade of dark pink at that moment. "...I figured you might want to stay like this."

"...Good thinking." You answered and put your head on his chest, inhaling his scent without being too obvious. To say that your heart wasn't pounding at your throat was an understatement, even your hands were trembling. He scratched your scalp with his gloved fingers, and you relaxed in his arms.

"...I understand you." He said all of a sudden. "Hm? Oh..." You responded, you were a little too lost in the moment. 

"...Do you hate god?"

"...Given the opportunity, I would've punched him in the face for staying out of business for so long. Ya get me?" He nods, and you continue. "He seems like a dick. But what can I say when I haven't met him?" 

"Another question then. Did you had any doubts about, well, god's existence before arriving here?"

"...You are lucky to know what happens to humans after death, Simeon. You and demons are so lucky, trust me." You trail off, and stare at the wall in front of you two. "...You don't have to live your life in dilemmas. At one side, you want to believe. At another side, you act like you believe to not get absolutely ass-blasted or disowned by your family. At the other side, you completely resent him. Then you would pray to him when you are at a loss. And then, you would feel guilty for praying when you're in knee-length deep in shit. While you don't pray at other times. It's just... So confusing."

"Humans either believe something they don't see very easily, or they won't believe in it at all... The two faced nature of those so-called "religious people" must've made it hard for you to believe that religion is genuine."

"Yeah... I know that I am going to burn in hell one way or other, acording to Bible, but do _those_ people really think they will go to heaven?" He raised an eyebrow, looking genuinely surprised. "Your soul is more celestial than you think." He said and you chuckled out loud at that. He wasn't joking, but he could talk about that later. So he didn't press any further. 

"...Don't you think that's like... Being overly proud of yourself? Prideful? These people don't even think about the possibility of going to hell, since they think they are so close to the god's eyes." You fiddled with your fingers. Your eyes burnt and felt heavy, but you weren't going to sleep just yet you throw your head back and stare at the underside of the stairs. "People treat religion like an overly strict parent and completely lose their critical thinking skills. Because today's religion requires that. The more the people believe in, the easier you can control their actions by using fear, or other things. Mass manipulation is almost always caused by religious beliefs..."

"...Have you always thought that way?"

"No, I... I was _kinda_ religious when I was little? I saw my dad and mom praying sometimes. They were very religious. And I was a child you know... I wanted to imitate them. But I quickly found out that I didn't like it. It just... I'm not sure why I disliked it. Maybe it was because I was a kid and I didn't understand how deep some stuff might get. But I got sick of it by the time I was nine, ten years old... I just can't find peace in religion."

"Since religions and traditions were created all around the world and all three realms, it must be suffocating for you." 

"...Are you a mind reader, Simeon? If so, we're gonna have some pronlems." You smiled, and he chuckled for a brief moment. He adjusted his bangs and hair for a moment and played with the golden pieces that were attached to his cloak with his hands, letting you go. Your hands lingered on his gloved fingers for a while, you already missed the warmth of them. Though it lowkey hurt you that he was only doing this as a friend, it was still pleasant. Still a wonderful feeling. 

"No, I wasn't cursed with it, luckily." He looked at you, and then gestured at the outside. It was a yellow glow was present in the halls, the ancient steps and tiles were squeaky clean. You suddenly remembered the days when you got in a line with your classmates and other classes, and walked towards the exit when the last bell rang. The chatter of elementary school students who were excited to be picked up from school and walk back home, the teachers trying to calm everyone down, the pale florescent lights on the ceiling, the pale mustard and navy blue coloured walls, slippery tile floors... Due to daylight savings, by the time you left school, everywhere would be dark. The sun would set 2 hours prior to the time you left. It was usuall warm, unless it was winter. 

You two crawled out of the staircase and got up, patting your clothes to get rid of any of the dust inside them. You sighed. "Why though? Reading minds must be nice."

"Well, as much as it has advantages, I don't want to find out about what Asmodeus thinks on a daily basis." Both of you laugh at that comment when you jokingly make a disgusted expression. You felt a bit uncomfortable with your sticky face and stuffy nose. As if sensing this, he pulled out a packet of napkins from his pocket and gave you one. You took at after throwing him a look of gratitude. It's been a while ever since you talked about your feelings in an honest matter, and suddenly, your world felt a bit warmer. 

"What time is it?" You sniffled and blowed on the napkin after wiping your eyes. The gas lamps that lit up the hallway was glowing a bit brighter, indicating that it's been a while ever since you came in here.

"Hm..." He hummed and took his phone out, checking the time. "It's 1.46 PM."

"The _WHAT_ now?"

"We're 40 minutes late for class." He scratched his head and showed a troubled smile. "...Do you feel like going to class?"

"Only for 20 more minutes? Nah... I'm good."

"I figured so." He took your hand and gave it a squeeze. "Let me accompany you to Purgatory Hall then. Lucifer will skin both of us alive if he spots us anywhere close to House of Lamentation."

You visibly shuddered at the thought and nodded. "Yeah... Hey, can we pick up some chocolate and bananas at the way home? I kinda wanna eat some."

"Of course." 

You two began walking to Purgatory Hall after that, being especially careful with your steps. You stared at your linked hands, and a grin spread on your face. It was such a comic sight. You were crying just a moment ago, and then had a conversation about **the effects of wrongly portrayed religion on society** (what is this, sociology?), and now you were discussing which snacks to eat back at Purgatory Hall while walking like a sneaky cat to get out of school as quickly as possible.

You put your other hand in your pocket and walked next to him, as you exited the school. You looked back at there one last time, and noticed Lucifer peeking out of the window in one of the classes. His facial expression changed when he saw you with Simeon, from surprise to anger. 

You winked at him and turned your back at him after.


End file.
